An Unleashed Dog and Navigation

In January of this year I was bit by a dog. While out on a run I became the innocent victim of a very large German Shepherd who, ironically enough, used to be a rescue dog. He bit me on the left hip/butt, drew blood, and forced me to spend five hours in urgent care waiting for a tetanus shot and antibiotic prescription. All the while I had the joy of being graced by the dutiful presence of the dog's owners, an elderly couple (surely millionaires based on the house they invited me into before taking me to the hospital) who live about three blocks from me, he appropriately curious and conversational, she demonstrating the classic symptoms of full-fledged Alzheimer's.

Before being attacked by this dog, I had what I would have called a healthy appreciation for canine. For about six months prior to the incident, I had been contemplating getting a dog of my own. I know I was afraid of dogs as a little girl, but since about 5 years old I don't remember ever feeling that again.

Since the bite I have really struggled to be around dogs. Initially it was any dog, big or small. Now it's mostly just medium to large dogs that elicit a fear-laden response from me. When I have to pass or meet a large dog on the sidewalk, my entire body tenses up and I hold my breath. On a couple occasions I've even pushed a friend between me and a scary-looking dog as a complete act of reflex, selfishly not even considering my friend's well-being as I throw him/her to a creature I'm in that moment perceiving as savage.

I know many have incurred dog bites and moved on from them mostly unscathed. For whatever reason, this has not been the case for me. I could retell the specifics of this incident in vivid detail. I remember every part of it, and it was nothing short of traumatic for me. I can't forget the feeling I had as that dog was coming after me and I had no control to stop it.

I still see the dog from time to time, as he and his owners live in my neighborhood. The first time I saw him after the bite, his owners had him muzzled. When he saw me, though, he started barking and growling and pulling on the leash trying to get to me. Since then, every time I've seen demon-dog, I've darted to the other side of the street or in the opposite direction to avoid him. I'm terrified of him.

Finishing a run last Friday I was just a few blocks from home when I saw him. I immediately crossed the street so we'd be on opposite sides. At the intersection, from the opposite corner, he saw me and started barking and growling and pulling on his leash trying to get across the street in my direction. The owner, Alzheimer's woman, looked very confused and disoriented. She appeared to have no control of the dog, and it was clear to me the dog was going to have his way.

As the dog headed to my side of the street, I darted back across. Thankfully, he got distracted by a man walking two small dogs, and started barking and pawing in their direction instead of mine. Once across the street, he and the owner turned to head in the direction I was going, the direction of my house. Since we were now on opposite sides of the street, I figured I was safe and continued on my way.

Two blocks later a medium-sized wolf-dog walked around a stone wall to appear on the sidewalk right in front of me.

He was unleashed. There was no owner in sight.

This is the most literally I've ever felt paralyzed by fear.

**I would like to interject for a moment that I am well aware of the fact that in my lifetime I have passed thousands of dogs. Of all those interactions with canine, only once has it gone poorly (only once I specifically remember, anyway). Logically, I know that the statistics were in my favor that day. I probably could have run by that dog and I would have been fine. But perhaps we can allow the response I'm about to describe to instill a deeper respect inside of us for the human heart, resilient beyond belief, yet no experience leaves it the same as it was before. You can be loved well a thousand times over; it only takes one cut to wound and teach in an irreversible way that pain is real.**

As soon as I was able to move again, I turned around and started running in the opposite direction, the direction away from my home. Tears simultaneously started streaming down my face, and the distinct words came to the forefront of my mind, "It's a horrible thing to be controlled by your fear." With each step I took further and further away from my house, I knew what it was like to have fear pushing forward posing as strength.

Hebrews 10:39 But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.

Last Friday was a day of shrinking back.

Friday's run had been preceded by a whole string of events that had me defeated and fleeing long before I even put my running shoes on.

The dogs were a very literal catalyst which forced me to deal with myself. As I prayed through my slough of piled up emotions, I was the recipient of a grace far beyond my deserving, a grace to understand from dogs the anatomy of relationship-debilitating fears in my life. God's working through everything in our lives for our good, to teach us about what His love is. It's situations like this that strengthen my faith in that promise (Romans 8:28).

Shrinking back...that's pretty interesting to me because when I react to something by pulling back (whether it be from a hot flame or avoiding something that's about to hit me), I do so because a natural instinct tells me that by pulling back I'll be safe. But I guess Scripture says that when it comes to addressing that which I fear, shrinking back is exactly what gets me destroyed. It's moving forward, going through the fear, where belief is strengthened, and salvation delivers.

The recipient of such a grace, I have to ask myself honestly, "Kelsey, what are you avoiding?"

"What do you come up against and then turn away from, shrink back from, go to great lengths to avoid? It's not ingenuity that enables you to dodge; you're not back-tracking and zig-zagging because you're some master navigator. You're at the disposal of your fear."

Shrink back; be destroyed.

Believe; be saved.

A simple line that will always stick with me: "The best way out is through."

Shrinking back isn't all that safe; why not run home?